Mega Post (not of Doom)
May. 24th, 2010 11:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dawnthiefIn the words of the song..."Its been a while"
So I've been busy "walking down the gender road" as my point of contact puts it.
In the last 2 weeks I've been back for the first full face beard zapping. It's not actually that painful. What really hurts is having to hold an ice pack on your face for 5 minutes before they zap you. However, the results were decent. I had to try and get rid of all face hair for this weekend to do some photos and go out for various things and loads of it just fell out. On the downside its £140 a go :(
Next session of that is in about 2 weeks or so.
I've been spending the entire weekend as the real me which has been awesome. Very good for the soul and lots of fun. There really is no part of me that wants to be male. I don't look at my body and go ewwww (its been reasonably good to me over the last 30 odd years) but its not right and won't be till I'm really a girl. That is going to be a while though but in the meantime some prosthetics, powder, paint and wig seem to produce a decent preview of what I'll be. When a certain friend gets round to showing me how to use this properly there may be pictures (oo the thrill)
So weekend...fun, memorable, screamingly terrifying all in one.
Fun was getting up on Saturday as me and being able to relax fully, just chill out on my balcony in shorts and a swimsuit with a book and a drink. Was trully awesome given that it was about 28 degrees and blazing sunshine.
Sunday was fun in the morning. Did a photoshoot with my flatmate. That sounds a bit glamorous but what it really means is we sorted out a few outfits, got a camera and went out into the great wide world to get some pictures. It was once again really hot and we got some really good photos of me in 3 differnt outfits so happy Dawn.
Of course after that we had to go and get them printed out...now here is where the more nervewracking stuff begins.
Apart from out in a field or public land I've been out once properly before and that was to a gay bar in town which was TG friendly. Today we went to Tesco...the supermarket...full of people loading up on barbeque supplies and beer and getting pissy in the 28 degree heat (its been rather warm this weekend)
So I'm doing casual (doin it right apparently) in a just above the knee, flarey, flower patterned skirt and a t-shirt with a bag over my shoulder and pumps on my feet. Make up is on but very gentle, neutral colours etc and my nails are filed and painted (what? it was fun and i'm still experimenting ok?)
And we're off...into the store. Passing about 25 people just on the way to the door with me pushing the trolley so I have something to hide behind a bit and....nothing...not a batted eyelash...nothing.
I'm still nervous as all hell but we go and set the photo's to be printed and go do more shopping. We're in there about 30 minutes getting everything including another swimsuit which my flatmate claims will look good on me. No one appears to have read me and then we come around the corner into a grp of slightly gothy kids about 15 maybe 16 and the girl in the group looks straight at me, blinks a bit and looks harder then as we go around the corner I hear.
"That was a guy"
"What?"
"That was guy...in the skirt"
"They we're both girls"
"Honest, it was a guy"
"They were girls"
So yeah, i got read but funny hearing the males in the group claiming I was a girl :D
Now, that was traumatic but we pay for everything and my heart has slowed down until we walk out the door ahd "BEEP, BEEP, BEEP" goes the security alarm. The idiot cashier forgot to take the security tag off my new swimsuit and hear comes the nice security guard. My flatmate is giving every impression of trying desperately not to absolutely piss herself laughing (fair enough, I guess my face must have been a picture) so I have to give him the receipt and pull out the swimming costume then we follow him over to the security station. Either he was the politest security guard ever or he didn't read me cos he just looked at the receipt, looked at the swim suit and got the tag off for us then handed us back our stuff. However, I think the whole thing may have taken 10 years off my life expectancy and nearly gave me a heart attack.
The rest of Sunday was back home, spend too much time outside and then collapse inside having overheated etc.
Monday...trip to the Hospital to see Sue who is the lady from the gender team assigned my case. I had been asked to turn up as Dawn (not a problem...i've just done tesco so who cares) so off we go.
Of course figuring out what to wear was...surprising easy actually.
A pair of jeans (LTS my favourites), a long vest top which is solid on the front and lace most of the way down the back and a mlitary style jacket which has no actual front fastening so it just hangs open. Add a big bag to put everything in (come on, do you know any girl without a bottomless bag which is actually a mini tardis?) Oh, and a pair of heeled sandals showing my pained toenails. All in all I was going for smart casual for a girl about town.
Drove into town (wore flats for that) and parked then slipped on my heels and walked the five minutes or so to the hospital to see Sue.
Having been asked to come as Me she seemed a bit surprised that I had managed it. I guess its not as easy for everyone. I mean, its not easy as such for me but screw it. Everytime I do this my self confidence gets better so its a good thing to do plus I'm going to living the rest of my life as a girl so better get used to it :D
Aparently I look good and I picked (as she put it) "some thing smart but casual at the same time that flatters your figure and looks like what a natural girl would pick." Go me?
I also got asked it I was wearing padding for my bum as she hadn't really looked that closely so I got up and did a twirl, walked a bit and promptly got asked where I got it and how much did it cost for one of her other girls who has a similar figure to me i.e tall and slender. According to her I move right and I have bumps in the right places for a tall slim girl. Yayy :D
So voice is he next step. I have been working on it and apparently it shows. My pitch is good and I use my hands a lot to emphasise points or just as aids to what I'm saying. I talk descriptively and use longer sentances than a standard male so not too bad.
I need to work on vowel elongation, a little more variation in the pitch of my voice during a sentance and on a habit to revert to a male pattern if caught of guard. All in all I think its going ok though. Sue has basically told me that in her eyes I would be ready to go full time now and as soon as I tell her I am doing that and have done all the paperwork (name change etc) she'll refer me to the psychologist. If the beard was all gone I think I would. But, until then its a case of grow out the hair and zap off the beard. Hopefully we'll be good to go for the new year. I've been instructed to give her about a months warning so she can get me refferred before I actually start and that way I should end up with an appointment timed pretty much for my go live date. I like Sue. She's awesome, obviously very experienced at this and very positive. She also makes a wicked coffee :D In the unlikely event you ever read this Sue, you rock :)
I got read again on the way out of the hospital I think and again it was by a kid. They're way more observant than the adults. I think he read me anyway, he just looked slightly shocked after looking at me. Either that or he thought I was cute hehe
So my new goals are to do the voice work and tell my parents. I have a website to look at to get literature from s othey can read it after disowning me :( and I guess I need to tell them soon. Probably in the next month I guess. Fun :(
Still its been a good weekend and an important one. I feel better about life in general and doing the tesco run plus walking from car park to hospital while slightly stressful were totally worth it. Also I think I probably went past about 1000 people over the weekend and today in the course of going to tesco (it was packed) and then going from busy car park to and through busy hospital. I only noticed being read twice so I'm going with that as a good percentage :D
Anyway...its been long, its been intersting writing it and sorting out the thoughts in my head but now its over. I'm heading to a balconey near me wih a book and a drink to enjoy the rest of my day off.
*hugs* Dawn
So I've been busy "walking down the gender road" as my point of contact puts it.
In the last 2 weeks I've been back for the first full face beard zapping. It's not actually that painful. What really hurts is having to hold an ice pack on your face for 5 minutes before they zap you. However, the results were decent. I had to try and get rid of all face hair for this weekend to do some photos and go out for various things and loads of it just fell out. On the downside its £140 a go :(
Next session of that is in about 2 weeks or so.
I've been spending the entire weekend as the real me which has been awesome. Very good for the soul and lots of fun. There really is no part of me that wants to be male. I don't look at my body and go ewwww (its been reasonably good to me over the last 30 odd years) but its not right and won't be till I'm really a girl. That is going to be a while though but in the meantime some prosthetics, powder, paint and wig seem to produce a decent preview of what I'll be. When a certain friend gets round to showing me how to use this properly there may be pictures (oo the thrill)
So weekend...fun, memorable, screamingly terrifying all in one.
Fun was getting up on Saturday as me and being able to relax fully, just chill out on my balcony in shorts and a swimsuit with a book and a drink. Was trully awesome given that it was about 28 degrees and blazing sunshine.
Sunday was fun in the morning. Did a photoshoot with my flatmate. That sounds a bit glamorous but what it really means is we sorted out a few outfits, got a camera and went out into the great wide world to get some pictures. It was once again really hot and we got some really good photos of me in 3 differnt outfits so happy Dawn.
Of course after that we had to go and get them printed out...now here is where the more nervewracking stuff begins.
Apart from out in a field or public land I've been out once properly before and that was to a gay bar in town which was TG friendly. Today we went to Tesco...the supermarket...full of people loading up on barbeque supplies and beer and getting pissy in the 28 degree heat (its been rather warm this weekend)
So I'm doing casual (doin it right apparently) in a just above the knee, flarey, flower patterned skirt and a t-shirt with a bag over my shoulder and pumps on my feet. Make up is on but very gentle, neutral colours etc and my nails are filed and painted (what? it was fun and i'm still experimenting ok?)
And we're off...into the store. Passing about 25 people just on the way to the door with me pushing the trolley so I have something to hide behind a bit and....nothing...not a batted eyelash...nothing.
I'm still nervous as all hell but we go and set the photo's to be printed and go do more shopping. We're in there about 30 minutes getting everything including another swimsuit which my flatmate claims will look good on me. No one appears to have read me and then we come around the corner into a grp of slightly gothy kids about 15 maybe 16 and the girl in the group looks straight at me, blinks a bit and looks harder then as we go around the corner I hear.
"That was a guy"
"What?"
"That was guy...in the skirt"
"They we're both girls"
"Honest, it was a guy"
"They were girls"
So yeah, i got read but funny hearing the males in the group claiming I was a girl :D
Now, that was traumatic but we pay for everything and my heart has slowed down until we walk out the door ahd "BEEP, BEEP, BEEP" goes the security alarm. The idiot cashier forgot to take the security tag off my new swimsuit and hear comes the nice security guard. My flatmate is giving every impression of trying desperately not to absolutely piss herself laughing (fair enough, I guess my face must have been a picture) so I have to give him the receipt and pull out the swimming costume then we follow him over to the security station. Either he was the politest security guard ever or he didn't read me cos he just looked at the receipt, looked at the swim suit and got the tag off for us then handed us back our stuff. However, I think the whole thing may have taken 10 years off my life expectancy and nearly gave me a heart attack.
The rest of Sunday was back home, spend too much time outside and then collapse inside having overheated etc.
Monday...trip to the Hospital to see Sue who is the lady from the gender team assigned my case. I had been asked to turn up as Dawn (not a problem...i've just done tesco so who cares) so off we go.
Of course figuring out what to wear was...surprising easy actually.
A pair of jeans (LTS my favourites), a long vest top which is solid on the front and lace most of the way down the back and a mlitary style jacket which has no actual front fastening so it just hangs open. Add a big bag to put everything in (come on, do you know any girl without a bottomless bag which is actually a mini tardis?) Oh, and a pair of heeled sandals showing my pained toenails. All in all I was going for smart casual for a girl about town.
Drove into town (wore flats for that) and parked then slipped on my heels and walked the five minutes or so to the hospital to see Sue.
Having been asked to come as Me she seemed a bit surprised that I had managed it. I guess its not as easy for everyone. I mean, its not easy as such for me but screw it. Everytime I do this my self confidence gets better so its a good thing to do plus I'm going to living the rest of my life as a girl so better get used to it :D
Aparently I look good and I picked (as she put it) "some thing smart but casual at the same time that flatters your figure and looks like what a natural girl would pick." Go me?
I also got asked it I was wearing padding for my bum as she hadn't really looked that closely so I got up and did a twirl, walked a bit and promptly got asked where I got it and how much did it cost for one of her other girls who has a similar figure to me i.e tall and slender. According to her I move right and I have bumps in the right places for a tall slim girl. Yayy :D
So voice is he next step. I have been working on it and apparently it shows. My pitch is good and I use my hands a lot to emphasise points or just as aids to what I'm saying. I talk descriptively and use longer sentances than a standard male so not too bad.
I need to work on vowel elongation, a little more variation in the pitch of my voice during a sentance and on a habit to revert to a male pattern if caught of guard. All in all I think its going ok though. Sue has basically told me that in her eyes I would be ready to go full time now and as soon as I tell her I am doing that and have done all the paperwork (name change etc) she'll refer me to the psychologist. If the beard was all gone I think I would. But, until then its a case of grow out the hair and zap off the beard. Hopefully we'll be good to go for the new year. I've been instructed to give her about a months warning so she can get me refferred before I actually start and that way I should end up with an appointment timed pretty much for my go live date. I like Sue. She's awesome, obviously very experienced at this and very positive. She also makes a wicked coffee :D In the unlikely event you ever read this Sue, you rock :)
I got read again on the way out of the hospital I think and again it was by a kid. They're way more observant than the adults. I think he read me anyway, he just looked slightly shocked after looking at me. Either that or he thought I was cute hehe
So my new goals are to do the voice work and tell my parents. I have a website to look at to get literature from s othey can read it after disowning me :( and I guess I need to tell them soon. Probably in the next month I guess. Fun :(
Still its been a good weekend and an important one. I feel better about life in general and doing the tesco run plus walking from car park to hospital while slightly stressful were totally worth it. Also I think I probably went past about 1000 people over the weekend and today in the course of going to tesco (it was packed) and then going from busy car park to and through busy hospital. I only noticed being read twice so I'm going with that as a good percentage :D
Anyway...its been long, its been intersting writing it and sorting out the thoughts in my head but now its over. I'm heading to a balconey near me wih a book and a drink to enjoy the rest of my day off.
*hugs* Dawn
